Closer than a brother
There is a journey that lies ahead for me and my family in the upcoming days, weeks and months. One of surrender, courage, prayer and hope, a lot of hope, and also a lot of unknown. So I wanted to share my heart with you.
A few days ago on January 8th 2015 I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Despite statistics that say it is uncommon to get cancer earlier than 40’s or 50’s, here I am at 35 years old, facing what I hoped to never face in my life. Despite assurances that our family history is in our favor, and paternal heredity is very very unlikely in breast cancer. I thanks for the doctor’s wisdom that kept me form immediately internalizing it and turning it into figuring out what I have done wrong… Then my eyes welled up with tears while he was still talking and I don’t remember much of anything else the doctor said…
A few days ago, on January 8th 2015, I have decided to let go of control over my own life, and completely surrender to my awesome sovereign God, my great I AM… Right there, in my sisters care, through the tears, and with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders, we cried and praised him together… See, I’ve been sort of a control freak, the doer, a charge into action and fix everything… That sort of control let me to worry about every single thing and not rest. Being a full time mom of four little boys, running a business, and running a hundred miles an hour, and trying to fix it all. I don’t imply that stress is what caused the cancer, although it can be a factor according to research… But I wonder now just how long God would let me burn the candle at both ends, like I did for most of my life with no slowing down, and rely on my 4 hours of sleep, thinking my body can take it, without eventually having something like this force me to stop and for once take care of myself. Dear mommies, hear me! You family, your kids and husbands and friends need you healthy and happy. Forget doing it all and being it all. Instead, be whole!
But I know I have Him, who is merciful, Healer, and Counselor, God who love me, always has, He has met me where I am now, and stopped my heart from breaking and into thriving in hope.